Happy Birthday, Caleb!

This precious little boy just celebrated his first birthday so it seems like a good time to finally share his birth story! And I’m going to share most of his gallery because it was really that beautiful and because its helpful to see what a (mostly) full gallery looks like!

Caleb is Marissa and Samuel’s third baby. Their first was a planned home birth that became a cesarean since baby was breech and would not turn head down. For their second, they again planned a VBAC at home, and I was there as their doula and birth photographer for a successful HBAC (Read their story here: ) And when they got pregnant again, I was more than excited to document their birth again.

When Marissa’s contractions started getting intense they gave me a call and I came right away, knowing it would probably go fast. Indeed, I found Marissa was already deep in labor, and since I knew she wanted a water birth again, I suggested they start filling up the pool. Her midwife arrived shortly after.

When the pool was full, she continued to labor in there an Samuel loving supported her. Her mother was also there this time and was a loving presence for her daughter.

When Caleb’s heart tones started to get low, the midwives encouraged Marissa to start pushing in order to expedite delivery. She was also given oxygen.

A change of position is needed to deliver the shoulders.

The baby is born but needs help breathing. If you look in the right bottom corner, you can see mom is holding her baby’s hand and the look of relief when she hears him cry.

The grandmothers who were waiting in the wings come to meet the new baby, and dad get’s some skin-to-skin time.

A little love for this beautiful placenta that nourished baby for nine months.

And it’s time to bring Jonathan and Elliana to meet their new little brother.

Aren’t they so cute?

And now time for the newborn exam! I love how at home births this can be an all-family affair.

Cutting the cord and weighing, always an important rite of passage

The new family!

The grandmothers get some baby time, while mom gets breakfast

Thank you, Marissa and Samuel for the honor to support you in your birth and document your birth story these two times! You work so well as a team and I can see the depth of love you have for each other. Samuel, you are a wonderful and caring support for Marissa during labor, never leaving her side. Marissa, I love seeing how beautifully you labor, trusting in your body, and surrendering to the process. You both are great parents to your three babies, and its been a joy to be part of the process and watching your family grow.

The whole birth team, celebrating a job well done!

VBAC after a Bandl's Ring

Akasha came to me for support in helping her have the VBAC that she was wanted. I’ve supported a lot of VBACs, but Akasha’s story was different. For the birth of her daughter, she had planned a peaceful home birth, but after a long labor, with a baby that was not positioned well and would not descend after a lengthy pushing period, she and her midwife decided it was time to go to the hospital. At the hospital it was discovered that she had a Bandl’s ring and needed a Cesarean birth. A Bandl’s ring is a rare birth complication (.02% incidence rate) in which a constricting ring forms from thickened muscle tissue between the upper and lower segments of the uterus. The baby becomes trapped by the ring and cannot descend. It creates a risk of uterine rupture as well as significant trauma to the baby if the ring is not diagnosed and a Cesarean performed to deliver the baby. When Akasha became pregnant again, she discussed her options with her midwife and did a lot of research into the recurrence of Bandl’s rings. Unfortunately, there is very little information out there, only a handful of documented cases of recurrence, and no evidence, even anecodotal, on the success rate of vaginal birth after a Bandl’s ring, likely because most birthing people who experience a Bandl’s ring automatically undergo a repeat Cesarean. But she and her midwife, Laurie Fremgen, decided to trust her body and give labor a chance, while preparing for the possibility of a Cesarean if necessary. Because a Bandl’s ring typically forms during a long, obstructed labor, Akasha focused on optimal fetal positioning to give her baby the best chance of being born vaginally. And this time around labor progressed smoothly and quickly, and there were no difficulties with the baby’s position. Her son, Elio, was born into her arms at home with a successful VBAC. She wants to share her story so that others who have experienced a Bandl’s ring know that there are options, and that it is possible to have a successful VBAC after a Bandle’s ring. She describes her birth story below in her own words.

“Birthing a baby naturally at home is an experience I've hoped for and imagined most of my life, and I'm so glad I got to experience it with you, my love.

“The morning of your birth, I woke up at around 8 or 9 am with fairly frequent contractions, which I intentionally slept through until about 10:30. You were only 38 weeks and a day, so I thought maybe it wasn't really labor. Once I got up, I told your dad, who had fallen asleep in the other room, that I'd had more contractions than normal and could be in labor but probably wasn't. I remember he shot up with surprise and excitement. I was excited, too, but I told him it was probably nothing. I also texted our midwife Laurie and our doula/photographer Jamie. Laurie said maybe I was having a light warm-up.

“I'd been feeling woefully unprepared for your arrival, having anxious dreams about your coming early, and here you were, possibly two weeks in advance! I still had so much to do. I spent the whole day preparing — mostly doing laundry, but also reorganizing the bedroom and downstairs. Your dad needed to clean out the guest room so the birthing attendants would have a place to be while I labored alone — which didn't really happen, but was my intention. We decided not to say anything to Aurora yet in case it was false labor or we were still a long way out. 

“At around 5:30, I lost what's called my "mucus plug," but still didn't know if it was the real thing. I downloaded the Freya hypnobirthing app to help me breathe through contractions, which was enormously helpful, as was sitting on a birthing ball. By around 8 pm, my contractions were 5-6 minutes apart. The app told me I was in active labor. I let Laurie know, and found out she was at another birth in Wimberley and might need to send Leena until she could make it over. Your dad was still prepping the room, so I didn't ask anyone to come just yet. Eventually the contractions were so close together that I only had 90 seconds to prep laundry between each one. At around 9:15, Jamie arrived, and I told Laurie to please send Leena. We finally told Aurora I was in labor and that you were coming; she was hyper and excited. 

“I decided to eat something before labor progressed much further, so Aurora and I shared a bowl of soup. The contractions were getting stronger, and I remember Jamie telling me to drop my shoulders when they came, which did help me to center. I asked Jamie if she could tell which position you were in. She wasn't sure, but thought you were in front facing my back; this was great news, since you had been on my right side at 36 weeks, and your dad and I had done a course of Spinning Babies exercises to encourage you to rotate. 

“Leena arrived just before midnight. The contractions were becoming more difficult, and I remember she checked me on the bed. I asked her not to tell me how dilated I was, but she did tell me "Baby is very low." (I found out later that I'd been at about 7 cm at that point.) Pretty soon after, I started to feel shaky, which I knew was probably transition. I remember your dad came in, and I told him it was really hard and I was freaking out, but I was okay. My mom also came around that time, and the first thing I said to her was, "This sucks balls, Mom." 

“I felt the urge to get in the tub, but eventually went back to the bed, which was where it got pretty heinous. This was the most painful part of labor, and I remember thinking that if I'd been in the hospital, I'd have gladly accepted a C-section (I'm so glad I wasn't and didn't). The contractions had become unbearable. I tried not to resist them but couldn't; I hated and fought them. At this point, my water broke, and shortly after — at around 1 am — my body pushed involuntarily during a contraction. Soon I wanted to get in the tub again, and once I was pushing in the water, I knew I wouldn't move again before your birth. 

“I was now making a lot of noise with the contractions — loud and sometimes high screaming. Jamie suggested I go low, and I began chanting “O-o-o-o-o-open.” It helped to add a visual. I started experimenting with making no sound, which was calmer; I put all the sensation into the pushing. Soon I started to feel the “ring of fire.” I mistakenly thought this meant you'd be out after only a few more pushes and, in retrospect, probably began pushing too hard from excitement (and impatience). 

“Laurie and Janixa arrived at 1:50 am, and a few minutes later I pushed your head out! Leena told me to stay in the water. Two minutes later, on the next contraction and at 1:55 am, I pushed out your body as Laurie pulled you out and onto my chest. Someone wrapped you in an orange towel and we stayed there in the water. I remember looking at you and thinking how big you were! The umbilical cord was still pulsing.

“Even though it was rough, the labor was fairly quick and straightforward. There were no complications, and you had been in the perfect position (which had been a worry of mine). Your Apgar scores were 9 and 10 — so very healthy. Thirteen minutes later l birthed your placenta (which I ate in smoothies over the next two weeks!). 

“Before long my teeth started to chatter, so they wrapped us in towels and we moved to the bed. Aurora awoke from the commotion and came up to meet you while I enjoyed a post-labor snack of frozen mango chunks. 

“At 3 am your dad cut your umbilical cord. You weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz. and measured 19.75 inches long. I had second-degree tearing, but received no stitches, on Laurie's recommendation. I believe we nursed once, and then we both slept. I was exhausted. You probably were, too. 

“Thank you, Little Boy, for coming into our home and our lives. You are my beautiful boy.”

The Beautiful Births of 2020

2020 has been a rough year on so many fronts, but families kept having babies, and I had the privilege to bear witness to so many beautiful births. I attended 18 births in 2020: There were twelve hospital births and six out-of-hospital births, including three home births and three birth centers, and three planned out-of-hospital births that transferred to the hospital. Of those eighteen births, all of them were vaginal births, not a single cesarean delivery this year. There were three VBACs, all of whom attempted a VBAC were successful, and one surrogate birth. I had the privilege to attend two repeat clients and one three-peat client. There were eight first-time parents, five second-time parents, four third-time parents, and one fifth-time parent. They were all special and meaningful in their own way.

Here’s to 2021 and more beautiful births on the way!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day! It is my honor to support such lovely mothers through pregnancy, birth, and new motherhood and to document your journey! You inspire me everyday with such courage, strength, and love! Enjoy this video showcasing the beautiful mothers of Empowered Birthing from the previous year!

The Birth Story of Adrian Leo

I had the honor of supporting Erin and Paul at the birth of their second baby. Erin was my first ever client, only a few weeks after I had taken my doula training, so it was a special honor to be asked back to support her again, at the birth of her son, Adrian Leo. Erin shares her birth story below, in her own words.

This story starts much like the first of mine (read her first birth story here; my due date had come and gone. Only this time, I was expecting as much and I wasn’t quite ready for a baby just yet. The day before my due date I had given myself a nasty case of poison ivy while on a walk with Claire and Sumo. It was everywhere – on my face, neck, chest, pubic area, arms, legs…so I spent the week aggressively treating it with whatever People’s Pharmacy recommended. On top of that, I had a job interview on my due date and a second interview scheduled for the Thursday after! I spent most of my days preparing for a new job in a new industry and wanted to get through just one more interview before heading off into my mom cave. This baby had other plans.

I had forgone having my membranes swept the day after my due date at the birthing center, but now that we were a week over and the worst of the poison ivy was kicked, I had to bump having a baby from number 3 on the priority list to an even 1 with the job interview. My favorite midwife saw me that day, Wednesday August 16, and boy did she sweep! I distinctly remembering wanting to clock her in the face as a reflex, but held back, hoping this brutal act had better work!! 3 hours later I was having regular contractions, though they were weak and far apart enough for me to wonder if they would just die down. I was trying not to get too excited, but tried to go to sleep early anyway, after emailing my job that I would be out for the count. That night I slept fitfully. The contractions kept waking me up!

The next morning was Thursday, August 17th. I sent Claire off to school with Paul, and he to work while I stayed back and felt what my body had to say. Though the contractions were still coming, they were still slight enough that I wondered if they would continue in that manner for hours or days or simply peter out as a false alarm from the sweeping the day before. I stayed calm and Netflixed on the couch. At about noon I realized that I was having to work a bit harder at relaxing through the contractions, closing my eyes and rubbing on or tapping the furniture around me to distract my mind a bit more. I called Paul home and got up to do some laundry. I had to stop to sway and breathe at the dresser while folding clothes, so I decided it was time to call the birthing center. My favorite midwife, Vickie, called me back as the one on duty. Could it be true that I would get her this time?!?! She asked me how I was doing and I described my current state to her, telling her I wasn’t sure what would happen and that I was still just hanging out and waiting. I also called Jamie, my doula, to update her. Paul arrived not too long after and we Netflixed again on the couch, only this time I was jumping up to bounce on the ball or lean on the coffee table every time a contraction would come. I was also thoroughly annoyed at his every move at this point. While going through one, he was not to make any noise, laugh, talk, or scroll his phone. This time was about me. I would announce when one was coming on and when it faded as fair warning. Still, over all I didn’t feel sure things would move very fast, and wavered as I requested Jamie come to the house. Even when she arrived at about 4pm I still felt the slow ramp up could continue to draw itself out.

Shortly after Jamie arrived, however, it was as if my body knew it. Now that everyone is present, let’s get this show on the road, it seemed to say! My contractions shot up into the red zone in no time, and I took to my spot (like the last birth) on one end of the couch, resting during the breaks to save energy (and because going through contractions make me feel so tired and heavy!) and shooting up onto my knees to brace through a wave, leaning over the arm of the couch and trying hard NOT to clutch my hands and push my feet into something. Jamie massaged my hands and feet to remind me to relax as much as I could. She helped get Paul in line as gopher and set the stage for seriousness, all while whispering sweet confidences in my ear. The shades were closed and lights dimmed. I had on my favorite piano playlist once the TV went off, and Paul kept the rice sock warm and ready for me. After a time, I remembered to yell, as it had helped me so much during the last birth. That low, primal, guttural yell; long and slow. It felt forced and awkward at first, but I quickly found my voice and the power it gave me to hear myself call out in response to the sensations rocking my body. Even still, I wondered if the contractions were opening my cervix; if they were actually “working”, so I visualized myself opening up. Over and over again. Opening like a flower; opening like a round, gaping doorway; the baby facing the right way and moving down, sliding through and out; easily and beautifully. I relaxed my butt as much as I could, fighting the urge to tighten into a burning coil instead and writhe in a corner. My prepared mantra – “You are strong, you are powerful. Open up and let the baby out.” Did I say that exactly at the time as I had planned? I cannot remember now. At 6pm, someone called the birthing center again and announced we would be coming in, and to please run the bath. Vickie was still on and I was getting her after all! As the contractions ripped through me, I could feel the sensations sputter and rev as they ramped up, rather than seamlessly smooth. I pictured my cervix jerking open millimeter by impossible millimeter as I felt this, as that must have been what was happening. It was a fascinating experience to feel it work in such a precise manner.

Once the phone was hung up, we all rushed to gather our things and I went to the car as fast as I could manage so as to not be caught in so many contractions on the way. By this time, the contractions were coming on so fast and violent that I only had a few breaths in between and they never truly went away. My break was at 20% or 30% of their full force. I felt this wasn’t fair and even whined out loud about it a time or two, but took what I could get and learned to appreciate the new and diminished definition of a break that I was given. Paul and I took our car, and Jamie followed in hers. It was just after 6pm, RUSH HOUR, AT LEAST 195 degrees out, and we had to get from the east side to the far south side of town. HOLY HELL. I held a rice sock over my eyes, since we were surely on the surface of the sun now, and held on for dear life with the other arm, quite literally trying to pull the headrest out of the car with shear strength and will. As I writhed around, screaming at the top of my lungs, Paul cut corners through parking lots, raced, and bumped his way to the birthing center…every jolt surely the culprit of yet another contraction come to challenge the best of me.

By the time we were just a few minutes and a few turns of the steering wheel to salvation, I felt the urge to push. I didn’t think much of it at the time since that can happen when close but not actually ready for such. Also, I was still of the mind all day to keep my expectations low, in case this whole experience ended up being longer than I would want. I had to keep my hopes and my attitude up! At the birthing center at last, I walked into our room as fast as humanly possible, passed a family in the waiting room for another mother in the building, and reached the bed just in time to rock out yet another wild contraction – yelling at the top of my lungs with all my fury. “Alright, well here we are!” I could hear my midwife say, exuberantly, as her and others bustled around the room to prepare for us. I was instructed to lay on the bed, and for the first time all day I was checked to see how my progress was going. It was the moment of truth. ”Well, you are ready to go – 10 centimeters dilated! Not even a lip in the way.” It was the most glorious, wonderful, amazing thing I was sure anyone had ever said to me. In fact, I thanked her with tears in my eyes and professed my love for her that very moment.

The tub not yet filled, I rocked it out on the bed on my knees, gripping the headboard for support for what felt like 20 minutes but was surely only 3 or 4. I tried pushing once or twice, but only gave half an effort as a bit of a warmup. I felt the baby’s head move down into my pelvis and felt the impossible pressure of bones squeezing into bones (that usually are left well enough alone and don’t much like to move) and my reflex was to retreat as far from that sensation as possible. ‘Oh, hell no, I am not doing that’, I thought to myself. It felt wrong and like a very, very awful thing to do. A flood of memories came to me from Claire’s birth like preparation for the work I still had coming.

At last, the bath was ready, and I waddled, with assistance and great effort, to the edge. Stepping in, the warm enveloped my weary body and instantly calmed every muscle, nerve, and emotion inside me. I sighed, closed my eyes, and went limp in welcoming surrender for a magnificent moment. But, this was no Friday night bubble bath. I had so much work to do, still. I got on hands and knees and gave a push or two, adjusting my energy from escaping out of my mouth, to down through my center. Ferocious yells turned to grunts and growls. Vickie then suggested that I flip onto my back and hike up my feet on the hand-holds like stirrups. She was right, it was much more comfortable this way and it was easier to curl my body into a C-shape to help push. I felt more in control of the contractions, now that I was pushing. I could push as long as I could stand it, and then break to gulp long and replenishing breaths and melt down into the side of the tub. During my last birth I had pushed for over an hour; I wanted to make sure and make much progress with each try and gather as much energy in between. The first big push in the tub I could already feel the immense pressure of him moving down, and the splitting of my body under the strain. Someone had already called out seeing the head; full head of the dark hair that I knew he would have. With the 2nd push I was sure that I would get him out; he felt so close and I bared down with even more than I thought I had to give, taking in a quick desperate breath in between extra-long and hard pushes. My heartbeat was checked after the push – it was in the 60’s. Whoa. The baby’s heartrate was also checked – he was beautifully calm as well. It was two more pushes or so that did the trick, long and arduous, and I finally felt the final burning sting of his head pop out.

The very worst of the day was truly over. I knew everything else would slip out of me like on a waterslide. Vicki instructed me to push very gently, as she guided the rest of his body out of mine. She held him under the water for a few precious seconds before lifting him out and placing him on my chest. He called out like a kitten in the cold and I wrapped him in my arms. Looking over at Paul, he was flooded with joy and tears at the first sight of his son. I kept repeating, “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness”, letting the ecstasy and the exhaustion wash over me as I looked on at my perfect, amazing child for the first time. Finally holding him, finally meeting him, and finally getting to share him with Paul and Claire.

Later that evening, Claire came to visit with Paul’s parents. It was really the moment I was anticipating all evening. It was past her bedtime, but I couldn’t wait for her to share in this new baby as soon as possible. I wanted her to be included; to feel ownership as we did as parents. I held my arm out to her as she jumped on the bed with us and we all cuddled up together – my complete family. She was beautiful with him; gazing at him in wonder and kissing his sleeping head. Her hands cupping him with tender delicacy. I probably cried with joy yet again, all of us filled to the brim.

A Lifestyle Newborn Session with Baby Helen

After being able to witness the joyful birth of Helen Adria, Stuart and Keris welcomed me to their home to capture the early, fleeting days as they welcomed Helen into their family and their hearts and began the journey of getting to know each other. We had some time to get some new family pictures as big brother Aston got to know his little sister, and while Keris’s mother was there helping them adjust to life as a family of four.

Sadly, Keris’s father had passed away only a few days before Helen was born, so we wanted to be able to honor his part of their family.

Aston had to head off to preschool, so then I got to capture some beautiful bonding time with just Keris and Stuart with their sweet new baby.

Keris has such a beautiful breastfeeding relationship with her baby, and I was honored to be able to document this for her. So many mothers don’t think to have pictures taken of them breastfeeding, but its such an important part of your journey as a new mom, it deserves its place in your photographic record.

I was also thrilled that Keris specifically wanted pictures of her postpartum belly so she could remember what it looked like in these fleeting days as her body transitions from pregnancy to motherhood. And isn’t she gorgeous!

And last, but not least, I leave you with this little angel!

Happy Father's Day!

It is my priviledge to watch, on a regular basis, men becoming fathers, and it is such a beautiful thing! I see their tireless, loving support for their partners in labor, their joy and tears as they watch their baby's being born, sometimes they are the first hands to catch their baby on the way out, and their tender caresses of their newborn baby placed in their arms. Many have never held a baby before, but this one is theirs! They instinctually bring their baby to their chest in the most protective, gentle way and shower all their love and kisses on this precious baby's head. You can't underestimate the power of this moment! Happy Father's Day!

Uploaded by Jamie Gwynn on 2018-06-18.

Welcome Helen Adria!

I had the honor of attending the birth of Keris and Stuart's first born, an adorable boy named Aston Davis, so I was thrilled when Keris was pregnant again and asked for me to be their doula and photographer for the birth of their little girl, Helen Adria.  Keris was induced for her first birth, but she decided to wait a little longer this time and let Helen pick her birth day, and she did!  Labor started gradually and Keris did a great job of distracting herself during those early contractions, and when they started getting more intense but we still spaced out a little, they waited a little longer and labored at home.  They told me to wait too, but I knew things might pick up and go pretty quickly.  Sure enough, her contractions were soon under five minutes, and they headed to the hospital, and I left to join them, but on the way there they just kept coming on faster and faster.  When they got checked in she was already 9 cm!  I arrived shortly after and Keris was laboring on the bed on all fours, but doing a great job and still laughing with Stuart in between contractions.

Just a few contractions later, she felt like she needed to push, and Helen pretty much came flying out! Aston was 9.5lbs (and Keris is very petite) so she pushed for a few hours with him, but Helen was much smaller, and even though she had a nuchal hand, she came out much quicker.

One of the special things about this birth was being able to witness the birth pause, in which the birthing mother takes a brief pause to gather herself and make the great transition from birthing her baby to the first step of mothering, picking up her baby on her own terms.  Since Keris was still on all fours, she requested a minute to breathe and rest before she turned over to pick up her daughter and bring her to her chest.

The birth had happened so quickly, that there was still so much shock and surprise mingled with the relief and great joy as she welcomed Helen in her arms.

It was such a joy to see the love between Keris and Stuart flow over as they both began to bond with their precious new daughter.

And before long, Keris's mom brought Aston came to meet his new little sister.  He wasn't quite sure what to think of this new addition.

A little later, Keris had some quiet time to start breastfeeding Helen, and she was a champion nurser!

And then it was time to transition to their postpartum room and try to get some rest and settle in with their new baby.

Congratulations Keris and Stuart!  It was such an honor to serve you at the birth of both your babies, and see your beautiful family grow.  You have so much love for each other and for your children, and it is a blessing to share in your joy!

Happy Mother's Day!

I have an amazing job that allows me to witness women becoming mother's.  They pass through the fire to get to that point, but there is noting like the joy of a mother meeting her baby for the first time.  I hope you enjoy this collection of those moments and, if you have children, it will bring back those memories of the first moments you spent with your baby.

Hazel's Birth Story

Tricia and Eric were expecting their first baby, a little girl.  They planned to give birth at Natural Beginning Birth Center.  I came during the night when Tricia was in active labor, and she was laboring in the tub.  She was well-supported with her husband, doula, and midwife at her side. She was such a peaceful laborer, and had a such a calm environment.  She labored through the night trying many different positions.

Finally, with the morning light shining in, it was time to push!

She pushed with all her strength to bring that baby down.  She tried several different pushing positions and techniques.

Finally, exhausted after pushing for many hours, it was decided that it was time to transfer to the hospital.  This is such an emotional decision, but she was so lovingly supported and encouraged that she was making the right decision for her baby.

The hospital is across the street, so the whole birth team walked over with a determination to see this baby being born.

Her doula lovingly set up her hospital space, and she enjoyed a nap with an epidural before beginning to push again.

After pushing again for another few hours, it was time for baby to come.  A doctor joined us and assisted with a vacuum to bring baby down the rest of the way.

After all her hard work, Hazel finally made her appearance and is in mama's arms.  The new family rejoiced and dad bonded with his new little girl.  

Radiant, yet exhausted, a full 24 hours later, mom finally achieved the fruit of her labor and had her baby girl in her arms. She worked so hard and was so brave and determined through all the changes in plans.  The depth of love and strength of a mother as she works to bring her baby earthside is unplumbed.  

Congratulations Tricia and Eric! It was an honor to document your story!

2017 in Pictures

2017 brought some beautiful births, strong mamas, supportive partners, and adorable babies that it was my honor to capture.  These are a few of my favorites.  Enjoy!

2018 is already looking to be an amazing year.  If you're due in 2018 and want a doula or photographer, book now! 

Welcome Aiden James!

Congratulations to Gaby and Alex on the birth of their son, Aiden James! This sweet couple were college sweethearts; now they're married and starting their family.  Gaby was committed to having a natural birth out of the hospital, and she chose to give birth at Austin Area Birthing Center.  It was a little before her due date when her water broke unexpectedly.  Contractions began soon after but things weren't progressing into active labor.  We tried some positioning and walking, and she was exhausted after a day of prodromal labor.  She checked into the birth center, and we all tried to get some sleep before beginning the midwives induction routine of pumping, herbs, and castor oil in the morning.  A few hours after that, things started to pick up and labor got intense and progressed quickly.

At the beginning of her labor, she did such a beautiful job of relaxing.  I love her posture her with her hands open as she surrenders to each surge, letting it open her and bring her baby nearer.

With her eye on the prize, she found her focus to help her through each wave.

Her husband was such a great support to her, giving tender encouragement, and intuitively following her lead.

This is transition, and she needed to clear gaze of her husband to help her through.  This look below shows so well the feeling of "I can't do this anymore, please help me."  But with constant support and encouragement, she pressed on toward the goal.

Even as she neared the finish line, she was so composed and relaxed.  I loved the way she folded her hands so beautifully in front of her.

Now for the pushing--such a powerhouse of strength and determination!

And finally, after so much hard work, baby is in her arms!

This such a beautiful, intimate moment as mom turns to her partner after the birth, with the expression of "we did it!".

This newborn baby knows his dad, and gazed so intently at him.

This beautiful golden hour as the new family settles in and gets to know each other!

Such a proud, gentle papa as he gets to hold his son for the first time!

Welcome to the world Aiden James!  This beautiful healthy baby weighed in at 6lbs 14oz and 20 in.  It was such a pleasure to serve this sweet couple and witness such strength, love, and beauty as they brought sweet Aiden into their arms.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, so I am going to share a personal story.  The statistics are that 1 in 4 women will experience this loss.  Its an astounding number, and really I wonder if it isn't under-reported.  There is a growing movement to bring this out in the open, out of the shadows, where it has been.  It is an intensely private grief, but one that too many women suffer in silence, when there are in reality, so many who share this grief and who can support you through it.  I was one of those who suffered silently.  Like a lot of women, I didn’t want to announce my pregnancies “too early” in case of loss.  My first pregnancy happened so quickly; it was our first month trying and I was ecstatic.  It was the perfect timing, just as we had planned, so that I would ideally give birth just as my husband was finishing his spring semester of teaching and would have several weeks off to help out with the baby.  I already had names picked out.  I was already planning a nursery, for either a boy or a girl.  I had already bought a maternity skirt I found on sale. I had already scheduled a tour at the birth center where I knew I wanted to give birth. We were dreaming big dreams for this little one.  All in only about four weeks from when I had seen those two lines on a stick.  But it was early, and we hadn’t told anyone yet, not family, not my best friend, certainly no happy social media announcements.  It was a private, happy secret, until it became our private grief.

 I was about seven weeks pregnant. It was October 6th, and we were on our way to visit my mother-in-law in San Antonio.  We stopped at a gas station and I went inside to pee, and there was blood.  I told my husband, and we turned around to go home.  I was scared and sobbing and starting to cramp.  I knew it didn’t look good, but I tried to be hopeful.  We told my mother-in-law that we couldn’t come, that something had come up.  I just couldn’t tell her what was going on.  We hadn’t told her I was pregnant yet, and I didn’t want to talk about it or answer questions.  Of course, that only left more questions.  She knew something was wrong, something was going on, and for months, she asked about me if I was okay.  And it never seemed right to explain.  It was the weekend, so I couldn’t go see my regular doctor.  I didn’t have an OB since I was planning to give birth at a birth center with midwives.  No one had even confirmed my pregnancy.  So I went into an urgent care clinic and waited and waited and waited to get in, only to have them tell me that they didn’t have an ultrasound and there was nothing they could do.  I was told to go to the ER, but I didn’t want to do that.  I was continuing to bleed.  The next day we had our scheduled tour at the birth center and a consult with the midwife. I decided to go ahead and go.  It was so surreal; I was being shown around this beautiful birth center with all the hopes and expectations of having an amazing birth there, all the while I was still bleeding, knowing that this beautiful dream was slipping away.  The midwife was kind when I told her, but there was nothing she could do, no way to stop it.  There was a little hope; sometimes women do bleed in the first trimester and the baby is safe, but I wasn’t under their care yet, so she recommended I see my doctor and schedule an ultrasound.  With pregnancies this early, you need a vaginal ultrasound, equipment that they didn’t have. 

I tried to get an appointment with my GP, but she wasn’t available.  There were no openings for another day, and with another nurse practitioner, a man who I had never seen.  I reluctantly scheduled it.  Meanwhile, I had to go to work, to go teach my classes, as if there was nothing going on.  As if I wasn’t still bleeding.  I went in to the appointment, and I was scared and alone and just needed some understanding.  This guy offered none of that; he was clearly uncomfortable even handling “women’s issues.”  They did a pregnancy test, and it was negative.  I was crushed.  Even that last sliver of hope was gone.  All our dreams were gone. Instead of sympathy, he questioned whether or not I had even been pregnant, whether I knew how to read a pregnancy test, or if there had been a false positive.  Now I angry;  this guy treated me like an ignorant child. I knew I had seen that second line; it wasn’t faint. I knew how to read the directions.  I wasn’t holding it up to the light looking for an evaporation line. And a quick google search is enough to find out that false positives are extremely rare, ie. you’re taking HCG supplements. 

I went to the ultrasound, which required drinking a ton of water and not peeing, then having someone insert a vaginal wand while pressing on your bladder.  It’s extremely uncomfortable and invasive.  And there was no sign of pregnancy, not even an increased lining.  It was all gone, everything, nothing even to show for it.  This life we had celebrated had vanished as if it had never existed.  The NP continued to press the point that I had never been pregnant.  Maybe my period had just been a month late . . . and I had imagined that blue line.  I had been bleeding for three days.  We walked out completely shaken.  Not only was our baby that we had already come to love and dream about gone, but no one seemed to even recognize that she had existed (yes, I had already been thinking it was a girl), that this tiny life had mattered. 

I should have reached out to others.  My mom had had two miscarriages, my sister had had one and an infant loss.  But I bore this in silence.  How could I tell people I had lost a baby when I hadn’t even told them I was pregnant?  I didn’t know how to start.  I couldn’t find the words.   Even my husband couldn’t really talk about it.  It hurt him as well; he was sympathetic and he held me when I cried, but I felt so alone in this.  I had no answers. What had happened? What was wrong? Did my body fail me?  I’ve had a long, troubled history with accepting my body, and this seemed to confirm it.  I spent several months tracking my cycles, I brought in my charts to my gynecologist.   I noticed I had a short luteal phase, and I started reading about this.  Maybe I had low progesterone, which is needed to sustain a pregnancy.  I’d had one longer cycle, but I couldn’t bring myself to take a pregnancy test before my period came.  Had I had an early loss and not even known about it?  Maybe, she said, but everything looked good to her.  She tested my progesterone, which only confirmed that I had indeed ovulated. She was the first one to hear my story, to believe that I had actually been pregnant, and it was recorded in my chart.  She knew the feelings of losing a pregnancy, the fears, the jealousy of seeing other pregnant women, the need for answers, to somehow control the process.  I was heard.  Finally.  It was several months later before I could tell my story to others, when I poured my heart out to friends, to my mom.  But that one insensitive NP still lingered in my heart.

I started taking every supplement I could to increase my fertility, to lengthen my luteal phase; I tracked my cycles and my ovulation religiously.  And it worked, I got pregnant again.  This time, I immediately went to see my provider and she confirmed it.  She listened, she heard my fears, she was sorry she hadn’t been able to see me last time.  She ran labs, tested my progesterone since I was worried about it.  It was borderline low, so she prescribed supplements.  Whether it really helps is not is not known, but she knew I needed it for my own peace of mind. She ordered an early ultrasound and this time, we saw that tiny little bean with a heartbeat.  But I couldn’t let go of my fears.  Every time I went to the bathroom I was worried I’d see blood when I wiped.  But my little bean grew; every test and ultrasound looked good.  But the worry never really left.  I had a beautiful, uncomplicated labor at the birth center I had toured before, and I finally held my rainbow baby in my arms a little over a year later. 

After my second son was born I became a doula.  Then a year later, I trained as a bereavement doula, and I have had the honor to support other families during their time of loss and grief.  Because I know now, it is so much better not to go through it alone.  To not grieve in silence.  1 in 4 have suffered this.  We are not alone.  Let’s break the silence.

Rowan, my rainbow baby

The Triumphant Homebirth of Phoeniks Ezra

I had the privilege of attending a really beautiful homebirth for one of my former clients. I had worked with Andrea and Hector two years ago at the birth of their twins. While she had been hoping for a natural, vaginal birth for them, she developed pre-eclampsia and went into pre-term labor at 30 weeks, so it was decided that a cesarean was the safest way for them to be born. They were such tiny babies, and had to stay in the NICU for 53 days. Andrea's older daughter was also born prematurely when she had pre-eclampsia the first time.  These births were traumatic for her, and she desperately wanted to be able to avoid that if at all possible this time and have the homebirth she had dreamed of.  She took especially good care of her health and diet this time around and when she reached 35 weeks, still healthy, she was released from her high-risk status and got accepted with Central Texas Birth Center for a homebirth.  It was such a blessing as she reached full term, perfectly healthy.  Andrea's labor began on Friday evening with light contractions that continued through the night and much of the next morning.  By noon, they had picked up some, but they still seemed irregular and bearable, so her midwife decided to come check on her.  To everyone's surprise she was already 8 centimeters! I came shortly after, and Andrea was doing well, breathing through her contractions and making everything look easy.  It wasn't too long, and her water broke.  She got into her birth pool and had about three intense contractions and then the baby just slid out before anyone was quite ready.  Hector, who had been caring for one of their twins who had been sick, just made it into the pool and was able to catch the baby.  Andrea kept remarking after the birth that "that really wasn't too bad."  It was a beautiful, gentle birth, with a completely healthy baby who was born right into their arms in the comfort of their own home. It was such a joy to witness and document this birth for this sweet family and see them have the birth that they had waited so long to have.

Andrea and Hector waited to find out the gender, and when he was born, they waited till everyone had gathered to look and to announce that "Its a boy!" He was immediately welcomed by the whole family, two big sisters, two big brothers, and grandmother.  His big sister had such a perfect response!

Yes, Phoeniks Ezra, you were indeed worth the wait!  Congratulations to Andrea and Hector and the whole family!  It was an honor to serve you in both of your births, and to rejoice now with you in the beautiful birth of this beautiful baby!

Welcome Adrian Leo!

Congratulations Erin and Paul on the birth of their son, Adrian Leo! This was the second time I had the privilege of supporting Erin, and this was was especially special to me since she was my first doula client ever. She had a long warm-up period (that fortunately allowed me to recover from another birth I had just attended) and then a short, intense labor, making it to the birth center just in time to push and have a peaceful water birth. It was such a joy to see this strong, beautiful mother birth her baby and then introduce him to their daughter and snuggle with both her babies.  It was such an honor to be part of the births of both their children and to serve this sweet family!

Welcome Baby Isaac!

Congratulations Allegra and Shaune on the birth of Issac Henry, their second son! He weighed in at 7lb 14oz and 21 1/4 inches long. This was such a beautiful, triumphant VBAC as Allegra pressed through her doubts and fears with so much strength and courage and birthed her baby just as the doctor was saying that he needed to be born soon. It was so amazing to see this mama do everything she needed to for her baby! Not a dry eye in the room! It was such a pleasure to work with this sweet couple!

Welcome Luna Leigh!

Thalia and Ernesto were overjoyed to welcome their precious daughter, Luna Leigh on July 24 at 6:05am. She weighed in at 7 lbs 10oz and 19 3/4 inches.

Thalia had such a beautiful positive spirit as she adapted with grace to each new challenge ahead of her.  Although she hoped for a home birth, she came to accept that her daughter would have to be born in the hospital.  And then when her water broke but labor didn't begin, she accepted the induction that she didn't plan on.  But eventually, her body took over, and Thalia surrendered to the labor process and accepted the changes her birth plan took.  But it was all worth it when her beautiful baby was laid on her chest.  

Congratulations Thalia and Ernesto as they begin their parenting journey together!

It was a pleasure to work with you and to be part of your journey!

The Homebirth of Elianna Grace

Congratulations to Marissa and Samuel on the birth of their daughter, Elianna Grace! This beautiful homebirth was a triumphant end to a long story. After a loss, Marissa and Samuel planned a homebirth for their first, who was breech and had to be delivered by cesarean, so determined, they decided to try again for the birth they dreamed of. But after Marissa's water broke, and several days of prodromal labor, that dream seemed to be slipping away. With lots of prayer, careful monitoring, and trust in the birth process from her midwife, Elianna finally decided to make her appearance. And she was born at home, in the water, and caught by her dad. Here is a slideshow that captures the beauty, hard work, loving support, and joyful birth of Elianna Grace.

Welcome Matias James!

Congratulations to Katlyn and Gustavo just welcomed their third son, Matias James, into their family.

This sweet couple was such a joy to work with, and Katlyn was such a pro when it came to labor.  She had already had two natural births, and when faced with an unexpected induction and other inconveniences, like a faulty monitor that required constant adjustment and no hot water in the shower, she didn't let it stop her.  She just kept powering on until she finally had precious little boy was in her arms.

There's just nothing like the rush of emotions when you hold that baby for the first time!  This is one powerful mama!

And Gustavo was such a loving and supportive papa. He's already planning the next one!

Happy Father's Day!

Its somewhat to be expected that when it comes to birth, mother's get all the attention, and they surely deserve it.  But today, on Father's Day, I want to celebrate the amazing dads that have supported the mother's of their babies in such loving, selfless, and caring ways.  And seeing the moment a dad looks on his child for the first time is magic.  Here are a few of those moments to celebrate the awesomeness of dads. Click through this slideshow to see some of these beautiful moments, when a man becomes a dad.  See the loving support for his partner, the joy of seeing their little one for the first time, and the love that beams through in that first cuddle.